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Charles Hatcher, j'accuse! - The Noble Sausage [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Neil Scout

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Charles Hatcher, j'accuse! [Sep. 7th, 2004|03:06 pm]
Neil Scout
When one has taken an oath to make daily updates, quality control becomes an issue. It is inevitable that even the most fertile minds will endure the occasional lean period. On such occasions, Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies can be of enormous help. With this in mind, I selected a card from the pack. 'Try putting more reverb on the hi-hat', advised Brian. Unsure what the literary equivalent to such a production technqiue might be (alliteration?) I pondered my next move, when inspiration came through my comments page.
After The Noble Sausage's recent investigative report on binge-drinkers, a M. Charles Hatcher of Dunmurry writes to deride me as a 'despondent, detached ascetic' of Kafkaesque proportions. Quelles conneries! I, Neil Scout, despondent! I, who merely take a realistic view of human nature, and set the barometer of my expectations accordingly! I, Neil Scout, detached! I, whose thirst cannot be quenched, who participates in every sport and diversion open to humanity! Were I detached, I should have spent Friday evening at home, sipping green tea, taking digital photographs of cats and milling around on MSN messenger. I, Neil Scout, ascetic! Opposition to immoderation does not an ascetic make, just as an instinctive revulsion for the organising principles of Socialism does not a Himmler make.
In the face of such damning Judgement, at least I can look in the mirror and know that Neil Scout does not hide behind a mask. I happen to know for a fact that 'Charles Hatcher' is a humble paleontologist who in real life, answers to the name of Michael Sodem. Pseudonyms might seem fun, but the need for them always indicates a profound self-loathing; one of Kafkaesque proportions, might I suggest.
So, noms de plume, play not with fire, lest the Noble Sausage shall sever your masked head with a single stroke! Bravo!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: charleshatcher
2004-09-07 12:48 pm (UTC)
I know you are, but what am I?
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